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OBNOXIOUS MIDGET at my gym!!
by Victorian Guy
Brothers,
It's not unusual to run into various types of anabolic steroid users, from the typical male, 18-35, to older folk, women, even mentally challenged bros like my friend Marvin. But who can honestly say they know a person suffering from dwarfism who is a heavy gear user? Well, I certainly can, and he's a bastard to boot!
The other day at the gym, I was collecting all the 45 pound plates in the place in order to load up the leg press with a challenging weight when, lo and behold, I literally stumbled on a midget doing dumbbell curls. Dwarves are usually stumpy, but this fellow defied stumpy- he was literally as wide as he was tall (perhaps 4 feet), and looked like a slightly taller version of the Pillsbury Dough Boy. I stopped in front of him and looked down, staring. "What the fuck you lookin at, mate?" the little devil snarled. "Pound for pound, I'm probably the strongest in this gym" he bragged. "See, folks like me get more out of steroids cause of our being smaller" he snapped. Then he waddled proudly over to an Olympic bar loaded up with 400 pounds and dead lifted it, albeit his range of motion was a only few inches due to his size. Swelling up his chest, he walked by me, as if I were supposed to be impressed. I thought I heard him mutter "fuckin cunt". Later, I noticed him cursing some other lifters, and lecturing them on proper gear use. He even challenged one of them to a fight!
At the time, I was too shocked by the sight of the little freak to correct his arrogant attitude, but I lay quivering in bed that night, shaking in rage. The next time I saw him, there would be a reckoning.
There he was at the gym the next day, and I approached him, smirking, and made an innocent enough joke- 'Hey there, Tom Thumb, be careful, if immigration officers catch you they'll deport you back to the land of Lilluput!" I roared, laughing. Nobby came along and joined in the harmless jesting "Oi, little bahstahd, fook off!" he quipped, then kicked the little fellow over with his foot. Then Marvin, a Down-Syndrome afflicted bodybuilder at the gym, came over, laughing, and kicked the little bastard in the face!
He wobbled to his feet, and ran out the gym, screaming "I'll be back with me mates, you fuckers!!" as everyone roared with laughter.
Thirty minutes later, two vans pulled up outside the gym. At least 30 midgets came out the back doors, many of them weightlifters, and all of them looking pissed off. At the head of the army of little devils was the midget we had just humiliated. "Dwarves or not, I'm going to rip them apart!" I thundered. Nobby took his motorbike chain out of his gym bag, and a few other lifters came over. We headed out the front doors of the gym. Marvin came charging to the fore, and ran out the front doors of the gym, screaming, swinging an e-z curl bar, and charged into the mass of midgets, like some kind of deranged samurai! We watched in awe as he cut a path through the midget army. "I say Marvin wins, 10 to 1 odds!" I declared, and with the other lifters, ran back into the gym and started collecting their bets on the outcome of the brawl. We shut the gym doors and watched. Most of the bets were against Marvin...and I must say, Nobby and I thought we would be out of pocket a pretty penny, as Marvin was swarmed by the little bastards. One of them bit him in the crotch and he went down, then they all put the boots to him. "Ye Gods, we'd better get out there to help!" someone cried, and I smacked them in the face screaming "SILENCE!!".
Just when it seemed Marvin was beaten to death, he somehow, from the depths of his Quasimodo, mongoloid, superhuman strength, rose to his feet, roaring, and started picking up midgets and tossing them 50 feet through the air. They landed with a sick thud on the parking lot, and lay there, every bone broken. We cheered him on as he stomped them all down! He was the decisive winner when the police department arrived, and shot him with an elephant tranquilizer. Apparently they were prepared for Marvin from the emergency call a passerby made to them of a superhuman retarded man beating up midgets, and had come equipped with veterinary grade tranquilizer dart guns, the kind they use on elephants! Marvin staggered around the parking lot, swinging his fists, until a few more darts brought him down. He was taken away by one of the ambulances that arrived on the scene!
* Article by Victorian Guy.
* Back to This Issue's Frontpage
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